Writing a good dating profile
Signing up for any dating site is always a bit of a challenge, and no more so than when you start to write your profile. Here at Gracefully Single, we recognise that you might be feeling a little stuck, and we want you to be able to have the best chance of finding Mr or Miss Right. What better then than to stop and take a couple of minutes to think about what makes for a good profile?
There's something of a balancing act that you need to do between selling yourself as a potential match and maintaining your privacy, and it's very easy to tip to one extreme or another. We've found that the best approach is to keep a positive attitude and be clear in your own mind about what you are looking for in a new date and about what is important to you as a person.
It's exactly the same balancing act that you have to do when you meet someone face to face for the first time, but at least online you can take a little time to consider your words rather than blurt out the first thing that springs to mind. You don't need to lay out your entire life history out front – if only so you've got something in reserve for if you do meet up and are looking for small talk.
So what makes a good profile stand out?
Clarity – it's vital that you are sure about what your goals are for a new relationship. Everyone has different reasons and goals, ranging from company for a night out to searching for their soul mate for a long term relationship or marriage. Don't describe yourself. That's what the photo in your profile is for.
Positivity – being modest is a very British trait, but resist the urge to write yourself into a corner. The more constructive and positive about yourself you are in your profile, the more you will find people wanting to respond to you and get in touch.
Be magnanimous – even if you're on the rebound or don't have great expectations foryou're your experience here, don't be negative about other people. Even if you think it's obvious that you are joking, you should remember that tone of voice does not translate well online and you may end up driving people away.
Individuality - don't just copy what everyone else is putting down on the page. You can get some good ideas by looking at how people are expressing themselves, but you'll be remembered for the right reasons if you can be original.
Demonstrative – don't tell us you are funny; be funny. If in doubt, adopt a policy of show rather than tell when it comes to writing to avoid looking like you are boasting.
Approachable – register with an email address that you regularly check and don't put barriers in the way of people getting in touch.
Be Challenging – we're not suggesting you offer arm wrestling competitions to potential dates, but rather set a challenge in your profile. Why not ask people to suggest where you might go for a first date, or ask them to tell you a joke when they make contact. Not only will it make people think, but you can tell who has actually read your profile and who is just fishing.
Selecting a good profile photo
One of the most daunting decisions for many people is one that lies at the heart of dating success. The right photo will do wonders for your chances, but there are plenty of people who convince themselves that putting one up is a mistake. This might be from modesty, insecurity or shyness - believing that no photo will ever show them in a good light. Other people are worried about people recognising them and telling people that they are using a dating site. Given the stigma that used to surround dating sites this might sound all very reasonable, but the truth is that not putting up a photo of yourself is incredibly counter-productive.
Even a photo that you don't like is better than no photo at all. Research and experience tells us that profiles with photos get looked at a good ten to fifteen times more often - so no matter how well-crafted your profile is, it won't be doing you any good without that visual element included. In fact, in some circumstances, the lack of a photo can be seen as a sign that you are not serious about engaging with anyone on the service. Showing your face is part of the back and forth of gaining trust between potential partners and should be treated as an important part of the process of starting up.
So what rules of thumb should you follow when you start to choose a good photo? Remember that you are trying to provide a good representation of who you are, rather than trying to appeal to everyone. After all, everyone has their own measure of what they consider beautiful so, by definition, you're not going to be everyone's cup of tea. If you follow these general rules though, you probably won't go far wrong:
Make sure your photo is an accurate representation - nothing is going to make that first date sour more quickly than their not being able to recognise you from your profile picture.
Choose a photo that is flattering - people do go on first impressions, so while you shouldn't get a professional photo-shoot done, there's no harm in picking a picture that shows off your best side.
Pick a recent picture - a good rule of thumb is to make sure that your photo is one that has been taken in the last six months or so.
Use a photo that is representative of who you are - show off that smile from when you were about to ski down your favourite slope if you've listed skiing as a favourite activity, or pick one that's outdoors if you prefer an active lifestyle or with something that makes you proud.
Your photo can be a great opportunity to demonstrate a flavour of who you are and what makes you tick. They may sound like simple guidelines, but a little effort and attention to the content and composition of your profile picture will repay itself many times over in a short period of time.
